Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Bikini vs Tankini...Or Should I Just Go With A Muumuu?

With swimsuit season upon us, I thought I would ask this question...what type of swimsuit do you wear? For me, the mere mention of the word "swimsuit" evokes a seasonal panic attack. One where shudders race down my spine and I begin to hyperventilate as I envision my dimpled, pasty white flesh being wrangled into submission and forced to dwell within the confines of the usually-never-enough-fabric-to-cover-all-the-ugly-parts-and-still-look-cute contraption we call a swimsuit. Never mind the added bonus of knowing no matter how I squeeze, tuck and try to suck it in, my body will still be on display for all the world to see. These are the thoughts many a nightmare is made of. Should I ever be lucky enough to create a somewhat pleasing image it is all for naught. The second I begin to move, all the mounds of flesh that were carefully confined within the tiny little strips of cloth spring forth with new life and begin to jiggle their way free creating a mini earthquake effect across my backside and down my lower half. All it takes is one shopping trip where the intended goal is to locate the perfect (bah! ha! ha!) swimsuit and I vow to move to Alaska where I can hide my pudge beneath a parka year round. Oh the tales of woe generated from this little ordeal.

This year I've been working out hard and eating right (the majority of the time) giving me a little confidence that I would have a few more options when it comes to swimsuit selections. At least that was my thought several weeks ago. Summer has resuscitated my waning social life. Warmer weather means outdoor adventures, late nights hanging out downtown, barbecues and travel. And you know food and alcohol are part of this equation...a very big part. In spite of my efforts, I find myself in the same position I'm in each and every year...one where I fight back swear words (a fight I always lose) while struggling to cover my enlarged tush with a few tiny little strings. You see, a bikini is the only real option I have. I know. I know. Where oh where is the logic in that???

Take this one-piece suit for instance:

One would think this would be a sure fire way to cover the nasty remains of my most recent nosh fests. But let's face it, many one-piece suits come across as frumpy and do nothing more than remind me of my grandmother. At least on my body. So often I see women in one-piece suits and think how amazing they look in them. Not once do I think of dear old granny when I see THEM in a one piece. But each and every time I give one a try...yeah...well, I have horrible flashbacks of Ruby Lee (my grandmother) at the local pool, sporting her granny suit complete with floral swimming cap. While I love my grandmother dearly, I don't exactly want to recreate her fashion folly.

(Sidenote: I hate to totally rag on her but my sweet, adventurous, totally out there grandmother also wore a nose plug and swimmies...the blow-up flotation devices children wear on their arms. She couldn't swim a lick but wasn't about to let that stop her from jumping off the high dive. When the swimmies didn't fully do the trick of helping her bob back to the surface after her less than attractive swan dive, she added a duck shaped float to her arsenal. Try to imagine this spry lady in all her childlike safety garb taking a complete leap of faith into the deep end of the pool only to have the duck float surface many seconds before she did, sputtering and flailing about in her attempts to keep herself afloat. We were eventually banned from the pool as the lifeguards tired of rescuing her. In hindsight, I think I now know where I get my spunk!)

I will admit today's versions of the one-piece are a far cry from what grandma wore. This one is cute and actually kind of sexy. It does in fact provide coverage without being a total snore. But it just doesn't have the desired effect on my body.

Then there is always the option of the tankini...a hybrid of a traditional one-piece and a bikini.

To most, this is the perfect solution. Gone are the confines and restrictions of a one-piece as are the excessive skin-baring fears brought on by choosing a bikini. And let me say, if I could look like this...

...all my problems would be solved.


I don't look like that. And I never will. Through the years I've taken a hard cold look at my body. I've learned to embrace the good, the bad and the ugly. When it comes to any clothing choice, I work hard to find the best solution for all my positives and negatives. As for swimsuits, I lean toward this...

For the longest time, I could never figure out why a bikini actually looked better on my less-than-svelte figure. I've even solicited the opinion of several friends and they tend to agree. Then one day, I had that "aha" moment and I realized EXACTLY what it is. I'm short-waisted. Without a longer torso to create those nice, sexy lines, I look like a pudge ball in anything that covers my mid-section. I have a large top and an even larger bottom. Something needs to delineate the ending of one and the beginning of the other. Simply put...without a belly-baring bikini...I look like a walking, talking mass of boobs-on-butt!

So there you have it. My reasons for baring it all...err, almost baring it all... in the summer. Trust me, it still isn't a very pretty picture but what's a girl to do?

Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer and soaking up some rays! Catch up with you soon!



  1. I am very short waisted!! I wear bikini's...of course I wish I had some more upper goods to fill them out. I look like a kid in them! LOL...But I just don't even care...I still go out and soak up the sun in them! It's all about having fun anyway...who cares what other people think! Anthony thinks I look sexy in my bathing suit, and that's what matters to me;)

  2. Hey sweetie, this post soooo reminds me of the very first posts I read of you ... they made me laugh and think of what a wonderful down-to-earth person you are ... and this one did too! Let me comfort you by assuring you that you at least have one option that suits you ... I look bad in all three of them!!!! Ah well, I've come to terms with it, and though I know nothing hides my "little" imperfections or accesses, I've come to think like Jessi said in her comment: "Who cares what other people think". At least, that's what I tell myself, but of course we all know we all care what other people think, whether we like to admit it or not. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this post my sweet friend! And I'm sure you look good in just about anything you wear!
    Love xxx Peggy

  3. I was reading your previous posts (shame on me, I haven't visited in such a long time!!!!) and I read that you would be merging your two blogs. I like that! Now I understand ... I guess that's the reason I'm fallin on love with your blog all over again!
    xxx Peggy

  4. Hey girlie....I just did a post on this I think last week and told the story of bathing suit shopping...Oh it was a nightmare....

    I felt like a sausage squeezed into this shape forming one piece...yuck....UGLY it was.... and I thought I was going to sit down a cry...but I finally came to the decision of the tankini...it covers enough.....but I still feel like I have a bit of a shape....other than this tummy from tooooo many steroids.....but.....I got a great cover up and a Fabulous HUGE sun hat...I look like the Housewives of Orange County with this hat on!!! :-)

    Miss talking with you...I know you have been busy...we are heading to the beach with the family and when I get back I am gonna HOLLER YOU!!!

    LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! :-)

  5. Hey there, Lisa!

    LOL! I was just here the other night, looking to see if you had posted!! :>

    I don't inflict pain on others by wearing a bathing suit. So, if I end up in water, I've been pushed in fully clothed...by friends! lol But, as a kid, I was in a one piece. As a young adult, during a brief period of time that I was thinner, I wore a bikini....I looked thinner in a 2 pc than I did in a one piece, that highlighted every curve! I hear ya! But, with all your workouts (not to mention the pics I've seen of beautiful you!), you should be able to wear whatever you like and feel proud of what you've got!!


    PS Your grandmother sounds like a hoot & I think its great that she didn't let anything stop her from living life by the sound of it!! :>

  6. What's a bathing suit??? lol lol lol....my body hasn't seen one wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy before Adam was born! LOL :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

  7. Lisa, the story you added about your grandmother is cracking me up. You might not know this about me yet, but I have a vivid imagination when it comes to things like this, I can literally see her before me, and I just can't stop laughing! I wish I could draw just so you could see the image you've put inside my head LOL!!!! I don't suppose you have any pics to go with that story????? Now that's something I would love to scrap about!! It's nice to see you posting stories like this again on this blog Lisa, I've so missed them!
    Love xxx Peggy

  8. Love your post Lisa, you'd look beautiful in anything! I'm a tankini kind of girl. Last year I was confident, this year not so confident, good thing I don't have any beach trips planned! Hope your having a great summer! Mine is being spent painting more doors that just got installed in the new house and hopefully packing in the next few weeks for an end of the month move, finally! Take care! Hugs!

  9. hahaha - love your post - my fav is either the full-piece or tankini :D

  10. I miss you!!! How are you? We've all been missing in action these days!
    At least you've been working out...good for you. Not me! But I'm pretty much at the who cares stage. I'll wear a bikini if I want! I figure if I look so bad and scare everyone away I will have the peaceful beach all to myself.

  11. tankini for me...suffered the chain saw massacre of a c-section 3 times and frankly, my stomach is my major body irritation. NOT flat...at all... :(

  12. I'm a big fan of the tankini. When I buy swimsuits. Given my fear of water, that is not often. LOL.

  13. Thank you for bringing some laughter into my day!!! I have a wonderful picture of your Nanna on the highboard...what a girl!!!

    I must admit my bikini days are long gone...about 25 years long gone!!! I favour a one piece, with straps for swimming & bandeau style for sunbathing! With the advent of the Tankini, I did invest...quite flattering when standing, but I found that the top part rolled up when I sat down!! Not attractive!!

    Whatever you choose I bet you look fabulous!!

  14. It's good to meet someone that also thought one piece's looked like something grannie would wear.. But seeing them on others only made me wonder what I was really seeing when I saw myself in one! LOL.

    I wear a bikini top with board shorts, fits me perfectly! :)

    Have a great Friday tomorrow.

  15. Hi Lisa, haven't visited you in a long time...so sorry about that!And stupid, cause I love your posts and I love your writing!This one made me laugh out loud, especially the story of your grandmother...I totally can see her in those swim supplies...bet she was one wonderful lady!!
    I guess you look good in anything you wear, but we can be so hard on ourselfs!
    With that sais, you wouldn't want to see ME in anything you showed us here ;( I go for the parka! LOL!

  16. No swim suits for me, especially no teeny tiny bikinis. I will be the crazy old hag that wears the cut off jeans and the wife beater to the beach to avoid people staring at these ugly baby scars.

  17. Well...with all my pudge I'm still better off in a one piece under a muumuu! It's simply not possible for me to find a suit that I feel comfortable and confident in. Well in public anyway!
    Hope you're having a wonderful summer!

  18. Very good editorial on the swimsuits!! I would rather go with the bikini too, but with the menopausal thing setting in and going full force, my abdomen just doesn't want to cooperate anymore so I chose the tankini! NOT like the one in your picture though! I'm pretty comfortable in it and it does hide alot of the puffiness around my midsection. Fortunately I have always been blessed with a little tush and thighs, but my upper body is something to be considered, ewwww. Whatever you decided, I'm sure it looks great on you!!! Stay cool and enjoy your summer girlfriend!!

  19. Go with a tankini. Some women just look better in them instead of a skimpy bikini.

  20. Lisa, How in the world did I miss this one, as long as I have been following, It must have been posted right before I started!! As I was reading this, I could totally hear this coming straight from your mouth. I was laughing and smiling from beginning to end. And as a guy, that thinks you are just one special gal, I will have to say, I am sure that you look fantastic, no matter which one you decided to wear!!! And any man that wuld think otherwise, would not be worthy of you! :-)


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