Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Dearest Me,

Well, it seems you are in a place you never expected to be. A recurring theme for you, I know. How can it be you are so sick when you feel so well? You do realize how sick you are, right? Me thinks you may be living in a land where sickness is not an option...where sunshine and roses are the order of the day. Not that I'm judging you. It's what has seen you through so far. In fact, it's what I like most about you... your ability to block out the negative in order to remain positive... your refusal to take this lying down. But I think we've reached the point where it's time to be honest. Time to look at the ugly and accept it in all its ugliness. Time to wake up and smell the pungent aroma of this nasty thing called cancer. Time to realize you are on a that starts with a "c" and ends with pretty scary stuff. Don't be afraid. Acceptance is a good thing. Recognizing the severity of your situation will validate the rough stuff ahead. All the changes about to occur are necessary for survival. And you are a survivor...I won't let you be anything less.

You are moving right along. Depending on how you count it, you are almost through the first leg of your journey. When measured by time, you are only a little more than half way through chemo but it feels as if you are much further along...thirteen of sixteen treatments are behind you. Chemo is close to being a thing of the past. You've weathered it well. Now that you are nearing the end and looking ahead to what will come next, I can sense the panic rising. Take a deep breath and let's talk it out.

Surgery. The day you walk into the hospital the you you've always known but leave something far different. I will not lie. It is going to be challenging. Knowing what will be taken from won't be easy. You will cry. You must allow yourself to mourn. Fear, doubt and disgust will rush to the surface. You won't want to look at yourself. Yet you must. This will be the beginning of a new you. What you do, how you react, where you let it take you will be a choice. I've been listening to the cries of your heart. I know your greatest fear is that you will not be able to accept the changes. That you will in some way revert to the "old you" that never felt adequate. The you that believed you were always less than. But you must remember that was the "old you". The you that didn't understand the peace that comes with self-acceptance. The you that was always looking outward for affirmation rather than looking within. The you that worried about the opinions of others. That girl is no more. She grew up. She learned how to live. She found peace. She found happiness. She finally realized that while she would always value the opinion of others, she valued her opinion of herself more. That is who you are. That is who you worked so hard to become. That is who you will always be.

Today is the day to begin the healing process of your tomorrow. No need to wait until the "ugly" is staring you in the face. Your body is strong and will most likely heal quickly. Your mind is equally strong. Embrace the fact you truly love yourself. You understand what it means to accept your strengths and your weaknesses. You know you fall far short of perfect and you realize that is perfectly okay. Believe in yourself. Refuse to listen to self-doubt and negativity. Focus on the fact that you have come so far. Rely on your faith and keep your eyes always upward. For if you do, you will be just fine.

With all the self love I can give,


  1. Oh sweet friend...I LOVE YOU!!!! You amaze me with each step of this journey!!! The learning of the true strength that I have always seen and shared with you!!!!

    The idea of what you face and finding acceptance and strength in your faith!!! We as women need to learn from you!!! It is OK to let the fear and weakness creep makes you HUMAN!!! How else can we learn more about the true women that lies within!!!

    You must know that I am with you step by step...I send you prayers daily for healing, and what I want most is to hop that plane and be beside you!!!!

    You have come so far and you will continue through this battle with much support and love!!!

    Sending you big hugs....and lots of love!!!!

  2. Dear You,

    Thank you for this.
    I love you!

    Me :):):):)

  3. Dear Lord,
    Though some may question you, she does not. Though some find anger in your choice, she finds none. Though some may question your strength, she lives her life through it. Though some believers may find faults, her belief never waivers. Please continue to bless her, look over her, and give her the strength to fight this fight you have given her. Let her fears be replaced with understanding, and let her pain be replaced with joy.
    Lisa, Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You are an Amazing woman to so many; I wish you continued strength as you move through this. My thoughts and prayers will be with you daily!!

  4. Thank you Lisa, For sharing your inner struggles, fears and triumphs! Your honesty is an encouragement. Even in your battles you are encouraging and ministering to others.
    Thank you!

  5. Lisa,

    Each and member of The Tweed family is praying everyday for you and we know that God will work his Miracles for you if you just keep the faith, and keep pressing forward. We love you and although we aren't always there in your life you are always in our thoughts and prayers. God be with you and your family!

    Bobbie, Brian and Scott Tweed

  6. Lisa..there is nothing to add to the advice you give yourself....but even if your positivity takes the occasional dip, please don't see it as failure of any are an amazing human being & you need to allow yourself to grieve for the changes you are going through...then you can get it 'out' & allow yourself to 'pick up & get on' with the next chapter! Know that you are never far from my thoughts & I just wish I was there to give you a hug...but {{Cyber Hugs}} will have to suffice! Keep strong & stay the beautiful person we all know & love ♥

  7. Oh Lisa, you are such an amazing woman. I admire and pray for you continuously.


  8. Just like you said. One day at a time...keep being positive..and well, just YOU. YOU are AMAZING. Sending lots of virtual {{{{gentle hugs}}} your way!!!

  9. You are so beautiful!You are in my thoughts and prayers. Send love your way!


  10. Just came across your blog today, Christmas Day. May God bless you and yours as you go through this phase of your life.


  11. Lisa,
    You have been on my mind a lot lately and I just wanted to stop in and let you know I am praying for you.
    God holds all the answers and I pray he will wrap you in his loving arms.
    Love you,

  12. Lisa,

    Well, OF COURSE I had to hop over to your blog--after you left just such a kind comment on mine. :-) Thank you!

    I'm going to peek around your blog a bit, and probably "stalk" it as well--I already can hear your "voice", and I already really like your writing style, too!

    I also wanted to say--I'm sorry. I HATE the C word. Hate it. I'm so sorry about the path you are right now walking. One of my oldest and dearest friends has walked this same path. Thank you for being real, and sharing your heart. I don't know you (yet :-) but I'll be praying for you. Sounds like you need extra prayers this week. This morning I'm praying for peace and comfort...but also for moments where you forget about the nasty C word and laugh with your loved ones until your tummy hurts.

  13. Been thinking about you:) Miss you girl:(

  14. What courage and uplifting thoughts for you and everyone that deals with cancer every day. You aren't the first to experience it, but it is the first time for YOU! Bless you while you beat the odds! Hugs and prayers!

  15. Oh Lisa, I have missed you but thought of you often. I too have had the "C" word spoken to me and reading about your progress takes me back.

    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


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