Monday, May 2, 2011

The Silence Is Deafening...

I'm referring to this blog. My silence. On this here blog.

Oh how I want to write. How I need to write.

And I've tried.

I've sat at my computer...fingers poised and ready to type...and then...


All I get is nothing. How can that be? My mind is teeming with stories and thoughts that beg to be written. And still...


It isn't only here that I struggle. I rarely visit Facebook these days. And when I do, I can't even string a few words together to generate a status update. Or comment on the quips of others.

Emails sit in my inbox awaiting a reply. I've read them all. Then left them there. The number grows daily. And yet I do nothing.

Thank you notes are another issue. I have so many to write. I've been overwhelmed by the generosity of friends, family and even complete strangers. How can I not express my gratitude? I can't begin to count the times I've sat down with pen in hand and attempted to write a note of appreciation. Yet as with all other things requiring my cognitive skills these days, I simply get...


The silence is deafening. "Quiet" is not my style. It isn't a good thing. It has left me feeling empty and even worse...feeling guilty. But for now I can only say it is what it is.

In looking back over what I just wrote, it sounds as if I'm leaning toward being need of medication. At the very least, it sounds like I need to drown my sorrows in a few drinks. But that's not the case. Not even close. I'm just suffering serious writer's block. Serious with a super-duper capital "S"!

I know a day is coming soon when life will return to normal. A time when my thoughts are no longer consumed with how to merge two full-time "jobs" and do them both justice. My normal 9 to 5 is anything but 9 to 5. I come in late. I leave early. I work all night. All this is done in an attempt to maintain the status quo and continue to earn my keep. All this is done because medical treatments, doctor's appointments and overall general health care are sucking up the remaining hours of my day.

However, the light at the end of the tunnel is in sight. Radiation has begun and should go quickly. Then life can begin to return to "normal"...whatever "normal" is.

Things have changed. They had to. And they will most likely change again. And again. And yet again. And that's okay. I just hope I can eventually get back to writing.

I miss it.

I don't believe this over-the-top-opinionated-chatter-box was ever meant to be silent.


  1. No not is there....but you must take care of you first....

    Oh how things change....a normal...oh hell what is that? Normal would be boring....or is that what we are in search of....boring..for just a little while!!!

    Love you girlie...pray for you everyday.....think of you always and can't wait to get the time for a Lisa and Jocelyn visit!!!!

    It will all come together....I promise...

  2. Even though you say you have silence, you still managed to write a great post as usual! It is amazing how you can convey your thoughts and feelings to paper.(blog)

    You are a amazing person who seems to always strive to exceed your own expectations, whereas your own expectations already far exceed so Many Others!!

    At this point in time, you need to realize your life is truely all about you! Don't put a timetable on when you "should" return to writing. Time will tell you. And I know we all better look out when that time comes!! :-)

    Take Care and thanks again for the Fix!

  3. Totally understand my need to take care of you first :):):):):) love you! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

  4. Well that semed to flow pretty haven't lost it at all!! Don't beat yourself up about not responding either...people don't give gifts or good wishes just to tie you down to writing thank you notes...if they do then they need to get a life!! As Jocelyn says...put YOU first & write when YOU feel the time is right!! I will admit I love it when I see that you've posted & we get an update, but really, with all you have to juggle at the moment, blogging is just an unnecessary extra ball in the air!! So look after yourself, get strong & go with the flow! Sending much LOVE & {{Hugs}} your way...& thinking of you daily! ♥

  5. Excellent title!I agree with you that silence is deafening,you listened "Silence brings storm" its like that.So if anything have in your heart so say it do not keep in`s better solution..


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