Saturday, March 21, 2009

Assume The Position...

Women are notorious for requiring multiple potty breaks when traveling. I would not be an exception to that rule. With all the traveling to and from Georgia you can guess I have scoped out the least germ infested potties in which to go...well, potty. I have even trained my bladder to perform on command at this somewhat sanitary stop. And the best part is that it is at the half way mark requiring only one stop on my 190 mile trek.


Via


This trip my bladder decided to have a mind of its own. About 50 miles prior to the half-way potty station, I had an overwhelming need to pee. I tried talking my bladder into submission, but it wasn't having any of that. And of course, the thought never crossed my mind to stop else where. To be honest, there weren't that many options anyway. So I suffered my way through 50 miles of squirming in my seat, doing everything except holding myself. Well, I may have even done a bit of that, but that will be our secret.

When I pulled into my relief station, I felt exactly that...relief. I tried not to give away the fact that my eyeballs were swimming, but I think my awkward walk/run straight for the ladies' room might have tipped a few people off. As I turned the corner, I practically died on the spot. The john was closed for cleaning!!! What the ....!!! Shouldn't they be doing that after hours? I walked in circles trying to appear to be making a snack selection, hoping like heck the dude in the ladies room would hurry up!

After what seemed like an eternity, he spotted me and spewed forth what I think was an apology but he spoke in what I think was Spanish and I no hablo espanol. He stepped out as I frantically rushed in. As you know, another 100 miles would not be so swell in a soggy seat. He didn't even close the main door, but what did I care. I hurriedly claimed my stall and assumed the position.

Now this is the part of the story that begs the question, "Have any of you ever had the following experience?"

After precariously perching myself over the toilet, I could finally begin to relieve myself. It was such a sudden rush of relief that I might have actually moaned an audible ahhhh! I continued to hover...and hover...and hover. My ahhhhs became ohhhs and eventually uhhhs! No amount of lunges or squats had prepared me for the marathon pee session that seemed to never end!!! I could only guess what the total strangers in the other stalls were thinking. Could possibly have been something along the lines of "That chick sounds like a freaking race horse!" Of course I finally finished, but what had been a walk-with-my-legs-squeezed-together waddle into the store became a hobble-like-I-had-spent-three-days-on-horseback hike back to the car.

So tell me ladies, has this ever happened to anyone else or am I the only one plagued with the inability to fully assume the position? I'm just wonderin'.

19 comments:

  1. I have had that happen, I always have use the bathroom, it's like as soon as we pull into Walmart, my bladder fills up. I remember a conversation with my cousin about the longest ever pee she'd had...it was funny at the time, she figured she peed for more than 30 seconds and I joked about actually timing it.

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  2. I'm not sure how to repsond to this other then to just laugh - I certainly have an image in my head now. LOL.

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  4. Thanks ever so much for the giggle Lisa. Just had tears of laughter in my eyes reading your post.

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  5. Oh my god ... two things: why on earth would you put something like this in your blog, and second of all: DON'T EVER STOP!!!!! You must have the funniest blog I've ever seen, thank you so much for your entertaining stories. I actually laughed out loud reading this, and let me tell you, you're not alone, I bet I'm not the only one who can relate to this story.

    Like I've told you before, you have such a way with words, you should write short stories for magazines. In the mean time, keep putting them here, for all of us to enjoy!

    Also, thank you so much for your supporting comment on my blog, I appreciate it more than you know.

    xxx Peggy

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  6. You crack me up...lol...and yes, I've had one of those marathon pees..in a public stall..and I may or may not have been under the influence of some subtance that made me start to laugh uncontrollably...I'm sure I made quite the impression on the other ladies in the restroom when I finally emerged. ROFL That was a loooooooooooong time ago, though. After 3 kids, I don't quite have the "stamina" that I used to.

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  7. All I have to say is your blog header for today made me LOL.
    You are one funny lady :)

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  8. Too funny! I would be the one to notice that you were "Peeing like a race horse!"

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  9. yes yes yes. i think we are related or something! a friend told me to lean forward [apparenlty horses pee this way} and it comes out faster! let's keep each other motived for our 5k's since i didnt run today ;)

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  10. Lisa - you are the funniest girl!! I love the way you tell the everyday stories that happen to all us sometimes!! We travel alot - back and forth from florida to upstate ny - believe me - it's hard to hold it!

    You must be riot to hang out with!! Thanks for making me laugh!

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  11. lol!! I so know what you mean!! I have no "stamina" at all!!! I just want you to know my friend, that I appreciate you, and you are tagged!!! Check out my blog to find out the scoop!!!

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  12. Me again, just letting you know that even your replies are making me laugh, you have the most wonderful sense of humor, and judging by the comments you receive, I'm not the only one who feels this way. So don't go looking for any medication just yet, you just might be the sanest of us all!

    xxx Peggy

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  13. I am so with you there!!!! I am a real potty snob and if I go in and the place is dirty, no way, I will walk crossed leg until I have an accident or find a clean restroom, but then comes the tedious squat and yes, the legs feel like they are going to fall off!!!! You make me proud that you endured until you got to your chosen spot!!!! You are so stinkin funny!!! Love you!

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  14. Lisa I love your blog you have a way with words and always make me think about things lol even potty breaks. You are too funny!

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  15. Oh my gosh, what a hilarious post! You had me laughing from the start, as a member of the IBBC (itty bitty bladder club) I can totally relate! You are doing pretty good going 190 miles with only one stop, on trips to Cherokee which is about the same distance from where we live, we have at least 4-5 potty trips, thank goodness for stock supply of antibacterial wipes in the car! Thanks for another great laugh. Have a wonderful day!

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  16. lol...you are just hilarious! I'm pregnant though...there's no way I could hold it that long! lol.

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  17. I soo love to visit your blog and read your funny stories. As much as I hate to admit it I can relate! I have a severe aversion to honey buckets.... and I can't tell you how many outdoor concerts I've sat thru in the summer at the winery and had to wait because of the honey buckets. Ugh!
    Anyhow, glad you had a nice quiet weekend with your honey. I am looking forward to one of thoe someday with my hubby!

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  18. Great story Lisa!!! I have had similar experiences but not quite that drastic. Thanks for finding my blog and leaving comments! Sometimes I feel like I talk to myself, lol. I knew I had seen your name somewhere else and just couldn't place it till I went to Kristii's blog yesterday and there you were! Feel free to read, comment or do nothing at all on my blog, I really appreciate it!!!

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  19. LOL...what a story to tell! I dont think I've ever read a blog post this detailed about peeing...but I have to say that you write what other ladies won't write about and thats why you have so many readers! :) Going to the bathroom on the road...as we all know...sucks! I can't believe you didnt push the cleaning guy out of there...I would have! LOL! Or would have just gone in without a concern for the sign! Somestimes I hold it when Im out shopping...but at times my bladder screams and says HEY I NEED TO GO!

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